


it would destroy me

by rollinheavysummer



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Learning To Open Up, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Canon Compliant, Pining, Slow Burn, advice from aang, eventually zuko and azula repair their relationship, iroh is a #1 ally
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-07-04
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:00:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,357
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25065043
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rollinheavysummer/pseuds/rollinheavysummer
Summary: Zuko keeps having near-death experiences & Sokka keeps discovering he cares.
Relationships: Sokka/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 30
Kudos: 271





	1. leaving the north

**Author's Note:**

> hi! this is the first fic i've ever written but i worked really hard on it! it's based on the spiderbite song by the flaming lips, specifically the lyric "if it destroyed you, it would destroy me"

The night after the siege of the north, Sokka can’t sleep. 

He really should, since Aang needs to reach the Earth kingdom as soon as possible and they are planning on leaving the next morning. 

He feels like he found a home in the North, not just because of Yue. Yue was beautiful and smart and sweet. She was his first girlfriend and one of his first friends, period. But Sokka feels accepted by the Northern Water Tribe in more ways than one. 

In the South, Sokka felt lonely as the only teenage boy in his village and overshadowed by his waterbending sister. Some of that loneliness subsided when he saw how non-benders his age functioned in the North; how many of them there were and how they could learn to fight and defend themselves. Then Chief Arnook trusted Sokka to protect his daughter. 

Before Yue’s sacrifice, Sokka felt, for the briefest moment, as though a father-figure was proud of him. He didn’t want to admit how much he missed the feeling of knowing his dad believed in him. He could remember the words Hakoda said years ago, but it was nice to be appreciated for who he was currently, not the child he had been at the beginning of the war.

So he doesn’t want to leave the room he felt so comfortable in. He had slept uninterrupted in the bed in this room. He wasn’t afraid of invasion or intrusion, for once. There were other people looking out. He could finally relax. The thick pelts and wave motifs carved into ice reminded him of home.

Leaving felt like leaving another home.

He decides to head outside for a walk to clear his mind. If nothing else, he could admire the canals one more time and tire himself out. The city is quiet, the only sound the ocean breeze and faraway waves, lapping at the icy city walls.

To his surprise, he spots a figure sitting on the nearest bridge, dangling his feet over the water. As Sokka walks closer, he recognizes Aang’s distinctive tattoos. He’s hunched over, staring at the water. Sokka approaches slowly and sits next to his friend.

“What’s bothering you?”

Aang startles a little but then settles back into his gloom. He swings his legs back and forth.

“I just couldn’t sleep. I keep thinking about everything.”

“I get the feeling.”

“I keep thinking about how things could have gone differently.”

“Hey, you did great!” Sokka exclaims, thinking of his amazement at seeing his friend in the Avatar form for the first time and the fearsome destruction he had wrought. 

“Not just about the battle, but the whole war. Like, when I was in the cave with Zuko, I kept thinking if things were different we would be friends.”

“But he’s, like, evil!” 

“No, I don’t think he is. He’s just someone caught in the crossfire. Like us.”

“He’s chasing us.”

“Yeah. Seeing him in the snow made me think differently of him, though. He looked scared, for a second, before he passed out. He would have died if we hadn’t helped him.”

Sokka stays quiet and they watch the water flowing beneath their feet. There's nothing more to say. Sokka hadn’t been there and he didn’t have anything positive to say about Zuko, but he didn’t outright disagree with Aang.

Both boys grow sleepy, so hug goodbye and walk back to their rooms. Before he falls asleep, Sokka wondered if Aang was right, if in different circumstances they could all get along with Zuko. War had certainly molded him and Katara. In peacetime, what else would be different? Would the whole family go on vacation to an island in the fire nation, tasting their delicacies and wandering around their ruins? In a happier time, many things would be different. Zuko would just be a prince. Sokka would just be the son of a chief. He liked that version better.


	2. Zuzu becomes a part of the crew

When Sokka sees Zuko again, he thinks he’s dead. The boy is motionless on the ground, the dirt rising up around him. Iroh seems to be checking for a pulse. Sokka sees Zuko’s eyelashes flutter and is surprised when a wave of relief passes over him. He doesn’t get to dwell on that, though, because Katara tugs on his shirt and they run to help Aang fight off Azula. 

But he would be lying if the look of sleepy confusion on Zuko’s face didn’t stay on his mind during the fight. Sokka thinks it’s the first time he’s seen Zuko without an angry expression, his amber eyes dazed instead of fierce.

Fighting Azula, Sokka starts to think Zuko isn’t so bad. 

Azula has a cruelty that Sokka has never seen in Zuko. Her attacks are precise and brutal. Sokka notices that she distracts with taunts so he’s on edge when she says, “look at this, enemies and traitors, all working together,” but it doesn’t stop him from looking surprised over at Zuko. 

He hadn’t known the prince was a traitor, what did he do? And then Azula strikes Iroh with lightning and the scene he had walked into is suddenly reversed: Iroh on the ground, Zuko hunched over him. 

Zuko moves quickly to protect his uncle and the rage on his face displayed as he tells the group to get away starts to look a lot more like hurt to Sokka. When Zuko sends fire their way, Sokka can’t help but seeing a wounded animal lashing out.

When they are up in the clouds on Appa, Aang giggles and says, “Azula called Zuko Zuzu” and everyone laughs, letting out the tension of the day. Sokka repeats the nickname in his head, not knowing that at that very moment Zuko is running into a storm, familiar expression of anger imprinted back on his face, in search of lightning.

(much time passes)

Sokka is only slightly suspicious when Zuko joins the group, as he sees that the boy's introduction is tinged with awkward sincerity and his expression is open. Sokka argues for Zuko’s case, because Aang needs a firebending teacher and he sees that Aang really wants to give Zuko a chance. 

In truth he doesn’t totally mistrust Zuko; he sees his open expression and his attempts to apologize, but he wants to make sure Zuko know he’s watching him.

Sokka has little to do at the camp during the day, so he finds himself watching Aang’s firebending training. Zuko mostly walks him through the poses, demonstrating and adjusting Aang’s form. They don’t use fire yet, but Sokka find himself admiring Zuko’s form. He can see his focus as he moves his body deliberately, cutting through the air gracefully, with purpose. He balances beautifully between strength and agility. He pauses to wipe sweat off his forehead and glances over to where Sokka is sitting. Sokka grows embarrassed when he realizes he’s staring and shouts “when is the jerkbending gonna start?” Zuko lets out a huff and turns away, continuing to adjust Aang’s form.

At dinner they all sit around the fire and tell stories. Toph swears a lot and Katara reprimands her every time. Sokka notices Zuko laughing with the rest of them at their dynamic, his golden eyes flickering in the firelight. It makes something inside him feel warm. 

He’s in his makeshift bed when he realizes he needs to ask Zuko a question. The rest of the gang is asleep so he carefully pulls his blankets off and tiptoes out of their joint room to look for Zuko’s room in the air temple. He can’t quite remember where Zuko said he was sleeping, so Sokka tries a few doors in the hallway. They all turn out empty, cobwebs and statues crowding the space. He guesses he’ll just ask tomorrow. 

He turns around, and is immediately pinned to the wall by a masked figure, two swords at his neck. Fuck. Sokka hadn’t thought about the possibility of attack. He’s in his pajamas. He doesn’t even have his boomerang. But the blades drop before he even has time to yell or form a plan of escape.

“Sokka?!” the figure says in Zuko’s voice.

Sokka is too surprised to say anything, still shaking from the terror of the attack. Zuko pulls off his mask, his eyes widened in surprise.

“I’m so sorry. You gotta believe me. I just heard noises and thought someone was coming.”

He looks desperate and sleepy. Sokka notices a tuft of his hair is sticking up.

“It’s okay, I was actually looking for you.”

Sokka scratches the back of his head, suddenly embarrassed.

“Oh!” Zuko looks surprised, mirroring Sokka by scratching the back of his head. “Um, my room is this way. I have tea, and stuff, if you want anything.”

Zuko leads Sokka down the hallway to his room, down a passageway Sokka didn’t spot. 

Zuko’s makeshift bed is in the dead center of the bare room. The only visible things he’s displayed are a a teapot, loose leaf tea in a glass jar, and a burning stick of incense. It’s much more bare than the gang’s joint bedroom but also much calmer. It also smells better, but Sokka isn't going to mention that.

Sokka sits on the floor as Zuko heats up water and pours him a cup of tea. The tea is jasmine and relaxes Sokka. He notices Zuko staring at him expectantly. He had almost forgotten his question. He puts down his tea and asks where Hakoda could possibly be held in fire nation territory. Zuko looks a little surprised by the question and Sokka absentmindedly wonders why else Zuko could have thought Sokka was looking for him. 

As soon as Zuko tells Sokka about Boiling Rock, Sokka knows he has to go and at least try to find his dad.

\----

Sokka finds himself heading to a high security prison with his former enemy in the middle of the night. The stars are bright, the moon only a sliver. Zuko had interrupted him loading his stuff onto Appa, planning on going alone.

He finds their silence is comfortable. They sit on opposite sides of the saddle. Zuko stretches out his legs, Sokka sits with his crossed. Zuko looks down at the land beneath them, guiding Appa. Sokka looks at the map, occasionally confirming their route.

Once in uniform, he and Zuko communicate discreetly, without facing each other, or in hallways with their headgear pulled up. They sleep in a large room with the rest of the guards, in bottom bunks next to each other. Zuko moves a lot in his sleep and Sokka wonders if he has nightmares. He falls asleep thinking vaguely about this, not interrupting the other boy’s dreams, just entering his own.

They find Suki and Sokka feels at home hugging her. They catch up in snatches of conversation and Sokka is happy to have found her. Zuko stands guard as they catch up and Sokka finds himself mostly telling Suki about how Zuko redeemed himself to the group, about his adventure with Aang to learn the ancient art of firebending, about how he actually makes a really good cup of tea, and that he does a really good impression of his scary sister. 

Suki elbows him teasingly, "enough about the firebender, I want to know about your life, dumbo!" He laughs and wonders if her kiss on his cheek so long ago meant anything. He can't find much to tell about himself except that he knows how to use a sword now. They geek out about weapons and Sokka wishes that he could show her his sword made out of space stuff -- description just isn't enough! Zuko signals that they need to leave and Suki promises that they'll meet up and strategize as soon as they can, "see you and your new BFF soon!"

Sokka is surprised when Zuko leaves the decision to stay or escape up to him. He decides to stay on the off-chance Hakoda returns. 

Zuko is the one who keeps Sokka from giving up hope when he thinks the last prisoner has arrived, who points out the straggler of the group who turns out to be his dad.

All of this is how they end up on the gondola, at the mercy of Azula. When the gondola tilts, Sokka acts out of instinct when he grabs Zuko’s hand as he falls off the edge. Looking into Zuko’s eyes as he hangs over certain death, Sokka accesses a strength he didn't know he had to haul Zuko, weighed down by armor, into safety. 

He holds onto Zuko’s hand for a second longer than strictly necessary, relieved that his friend is still there, squeezing once to let Zuko he’s there. Their eyes meet and Zuko gives him a small smile. A few weeks ago, he might have pushed Zuko over the edge. Now all he can think about is how glad he is that Zuko is alive and standing beside him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope you liked this one!! things with suki + mai will be explained in later chapters! they're all young here and figuring stuff out! zuko and sokka only have a relationship until later, even though everyone else can see their chemistry long before they do!


	3. help me if you can

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a little bit of angst but also Sokka's confidence goes up! the title is based off of the beatles' song help

At the White Lotus encampment, Zuko spends a lot of time in Iroh’s tent. He emerges from a particularly long chat and heads over to where Sokka is polishing his boomerang, totally not waiting for Zuko to talk to him. Sokka keeps polishing until Zuko stands over him and coughs pointedly.

“Can I talk to you?”

Sokka finally glances up. Zuko’s hair has gotten longer and looks rumpled, as if he's been sleeping, though Sokka know's he's been having trouble on that front. His unscarred eye is half-lidded, his eyelashes prominent in the dusk-light. His clothes look big on him and Sokka’s heart catches in his throat for a moment looking at the rumpled figure in front of him. Zuko shifts uncomfortably from one foot to the other, waiting for a response. 

“Of course. My tent?” He gestures to the tent he’s sitting next to.

Zuko nods and Sokka holds the tent flap open for the prince. They sit on the floor, cross legged and across from one another at the foot of Sokka’s bed-roll. 

“I don’t have any tea for you, but I do have some dried seal-jerky if you’re hungry?” Sokka jokes, trying to make his friend comfortable, who seems obviously exhausted and a little on-edge. 

Zuko smiles, “I think I’ll be okay without, thanks.”

“I just wanted to ask–” “So what–” They start speaking at once and stop, awkwardly.

“Sorry,” Sokka says, “go ahead.”

“I need to ask you for a favor.”

“Mhmm” Sokka nods.

“I need someone to go with me to face Azula. I was wondering, if it isn’t too much, if you would help me?”

“I–,” Sokka pauses, not expecting anything like this, “of course I would,” he sees Zuko’s face fall slightly, seeing the ‘would’ as a rejection, and then puts his hand on Zuko’s wrist to calm him, not wanting to confuse, “I just, wouldn’t a bender be more helpful?”

Zuko relaxes slightly and leans forward, “I thought about that but with Azula– she underestimates non-benders. Her whole life all her power was in bending; she’s amazing, she’s a prodigy, but she’s never had to fight any other way. I used to think of that as her greatest strength, but now I think it’s also a blind spot.”

Sokka is impressed by Zuko's reasoning. He's obviously thought about his choice; he isn't just asking Sokka because he feels awkward asking anyone else.

“So we go in for the element of surprise?”

“Yeah, I haven’t planned it in detail yet, or, well, actually... planned it at all. But I think we’d work well together. At Boiling Rock you covered all my blind spots without even talking about it.”

“I guess we do make a pretty good team,” Sokka smiles over at the other boy, enjoying the praise for his fighting abilities.

“...So, that’s a yes?”

“I’m ready to beat Azula a second time” Sokka smirks, crossing his arms and grabbing a bit of dried seal-jerky to eat. Maybe Zuko is too fancy for it, but Sokka is hungry.

Sokka thinks that with Teo’s dad here, they could plan something to take Azula by surprise. They’ll have to take her firebending into account, and her quick reflexes. They don’t have very many supplies at the camp but he knows the mechanist has enough in his tent to invent something serviceable, even if they have to get creative. Some kind of quick restraint... Sokka's mind whirs with possibilities.

“Thank you so much,” Zuko says earnestly, "I really appreciate it."

“Of course,” Sokka says and then the gravity of the situation settles onto him: Zuko is preparing to face his little sister. No matter how scary and evil she seems to him –Sokka shudders at the thought of the last time he saw her– she’s still Zuko’s sister. Sokka remembers the look on Zuko's face when Azula struck Iroh. Even after all that time, he still looked shell-shocked and betrayed, glancing sadly at the place where Azula had disappeared into the dust, as if he expected her to come back out and apologize, to say it all was a game.

Sokka knows how hard it is to lose a family member to war. He doesn't know what it's like to face one in it. Zuko looks small in the fading light with his messy hair and the purplish tint under his unscarred eye. The prince hardly ever talks about his feelings, but surely there's a lot bubbling under.

“Hey," Sokka leans carefully forward, "how are you feeling about all of this?”

Zuko clenches his jaw and looks off determinedly to a spot on the ground, “it has to be done.”

“I’m sorry,” Sokka says, softly.

“Me too,” Zuko says, almost inaudibly, before leaving the tent.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was originally just going to be the beginning of a longer chapter but I think it works better as a stand-alone to set up the next chapter!


	4. it's nice to have a friend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is by far the longest chapter i've ever written!! i hope you guys like it ahhh so so much goes down in this one

The next time Zuko almost dies, it’s protecting Sokka. He lunges in front of Sokka to deflect Azula’s lightning attack and Sokka almost forgets to seek cover as he watches Zuko grapple with the static bolt, his feet grounding him to the earth, his arms moving in a familiar way Sokka has seen his sister waterbend, the horrific moment Sokka can see the lightning pass through Zuko’s body, and then the flash back through his fingers, directed towards Azula. The concentration and precision required as well as the gracefulness with which the boy bends stuns him. Sokka knew Zuko had stopped fueling his firebending with anger but seeing his technique in action strikes him differently. It’s only when Zuko says “move” under his breath that Sokka hides behind a pillar, letting Zuko finish his fight. 

He waits to execute the last part of their plan until Zuko says, “now” and Sokka turns to release the machinated handcuffs on Azula. In the moment of being knocked off balance by Zuko’s firebending and not expecting Sokka’s attack, both her feet and hands are bound. She’s a powerful firebender, so she could probably do a lot of damage even now, but she’s off-kilter and sloppy so Sokka fastens the cuffs to a vent in the meantime and then backs away. Zuko has a sad, distant look on his face as Azula thrashes against her constraints and wails. He turns away shakily. 

Sokka doesn’t think there’s anything comforting he could do so he just stands next to him and gives Zuko his space. 

This means Sokka doesn’t notice Zuko’s sagging posture and ragged breathing. Zuko is leaning on a pillar for support, contorted in pain. Sokka can’t believe he hadn’t noticed, that Zuko hadn’t said something. He steps close next to Zuko.

“Hey, you okay?”

In response Zuko shifts all his weight onto the other boy. Sokka sees then that his chest is bloody and burnt. By looking at the wound, Sokka is surprised he managed to fight Azula for so long. He guesses she struck just before Zuko told him to bring out the handcuffs.

Sokka shifts so Zuko’s arm is over his shoulder and all his weight rests on him more easily. If he can just get him into the palace, someone should be able to help. Surely someone will help. 

“Thank you,” Zuko manages to get out, his eyes closed, voice raspy and far-away sounding.

“Of course, always.”

He needs to find somewhere to lay Zuko down, some salve for his wound, some clean bandages. It’s too cold out in the open air, the wind cutting at Zuko’s already lacerated skin. He tries taking a step and Zuko is endlessly heavy. He knows Zuko works out a lot, but is muscle mass really this heavy? 

He realizes Zuko’s armor is weighing him down and feels dumb. He sighs, “why’d you have to make this so difficult.” Zuko makes a vague noise in response, eyes moving under his eyelids. Sokka guesses he can’t blame someone with serious injuries, but he still grumbles, “you’re lucky I like you” as he carefully removes Zuko’s armor, leaning the boy against the pillar for extra support, and then hoists him up over his shoulder again.

The palace is eerily quiet and Sokka settles for depositing Zuko in an empty bedroom he finds. The boy is slipping in and out of consciousness and Sokka is worried. He knows everyone else will head to the palace when all is over, but for now Zuko isn’t looking too hot. He needs medical care. 

Sokka can feel panic setting in as he registers the silence of the building and the blood staining Zuko’s shirt, but he tried to clear his head by taking a deep breath and closing his eyes.

In this moment of clarity he realizes there is a bathroom connected to the bedroom, which may have some elementary healing supplies. The panic returns but he works through it better with a plan, rifling through an absent stranger’s bathroom cabinet. He finally finds a tin with a salve in it, but no bandages. 

He enters the room again and Zuko’s eyes are closed. Sokka jostles him until he opens his eyes.

“I’m gonna need you to stay awake until everyone gets back, okay?”

Zuko nods shakily.

“I have some salve for your skin. It’ll sting, but it will help you heal faster, at least until the real healers get here. I just need to take your shirt off so I can see where you were hit, if that’s okay?”

Zuko nods again, this time opening his eyes a bit so a bit of golden peeks through.

Sokka cuts the shirt down the middle so he can treat Zuko more quickly. He pushes the fabric away and can’t stop his short intake of breath as he sees the wound fully. It covers much of Zuko’s chest, stretching from the dip of his collarbone to his low stomach. Once healers come in, the scar that’s left will shrink, but for now it’s deep and painful looking. He traces the edge of the wound sadly. Zuko is marked by fire and family once again.

“That bad?” Zuko mumbles under his breath.

“You’ll be okay,” Sokka responds shakily, not sure if he believes it himself.

He starts applying the salve and Zuko groans.

“I’m sorry– maybe I could tell you a story to distract you?”

“Mhhhm,” Zuko cringes.

Sokka takes that as a yes. “Have I ever told you about the time I went to the spirit world?”

Sokka keeps talking and applying the salve and miraculously, Zuko’s eyes stay open, focused on Sokka and his words. 

This is how Katara finds them and leads them to the makeshift healing tent. Sokka is taken away to treat his own minor injuries, burns and scrapes, mostly, but returns the next day to check on Zuko, who is high on pain meds and will need to stay much longer. 

He returns every day to check on the boy, who barely answers, wading in a kind of half-dream state while the healers work on him. This is how he gets roped into working at the makeshift hospital.

He’s just sitting by Zuko’s cot, moping, thinking about how if he had moved quicker maybe Zuko wouldn’t be semi-conscious, when a healer takes him out of his sadness by gruffly addressing him.

“If you’re going to be here all day, you might as well help.”

“What?”

“My break is in 10 and he needs fresh bandages. Patient number eight needs more salve and patient thirteen, down the hall, needs more pain meds.”

She hands him a pack with the patients' supplies and heads down the hall. That’s how he starts working at the hospital, how he stays when his friends move on, and watches Zuko get better. He changes Zuko's bandages every day, adjusts his meds for his pain levels, and even after his job is done stays next to Zuko's cot telling stories, just like the night he was first injured. Eventually Zuko starts interjecting in the stories– the first time he spoke was to say "that's not true" to an admittedly fabricated story about how Sokka's sheer strength had saved Appa from a rabid platypus bear. But could Zuko really blame him? It had been getting boring speaking to someone who never even laughed at his jokes. 

But eventually Zuko can laugh at his jokes and sit up in his cot. Sokka starts sneaking him snacks in from the outside world, updating him on politics, and gossiping about everyone he knows. Sokka has become closer with the few people his age who have elected to stay in the Fire Nation, but he by far spends the most time with Zuko, especially because he can write it off as work. Suki is training the new and old Kyoshi warriors in the city but she seems to always be busy so they only manage to catch up over tea once in awhile. In contrast, Ty Lee always seems to be free and seems to know everyone's business, so most of the gossip Sokka gets is from her, which he funnels directly back to Zuko. Haru has been advocating for the Earth Kingdom in the city so Sokka has gotten to know him better as well. Sometimes they're invited to the same political meetings– always by Iroh, who is leading while Zuko recovers –and they sit near one another and make eye contact whenever someone says something stupid, which is more often than either of them would like.

Sokka feels friendly with most people he sees on a daily basis and enjoys having a job he knows he won't do forever. He feels useful and every day he gets home exhausted, ready for a full night of sleep. Plus Iroh asks him to sit in on a few meetings specifically about rebuilding the relationship between the Fire Nation and water tribes, so Sokka feels like he has a greater purpose here. Hakoda has started to send him letters with suggestions to pitch to Iroh. He feels like he’s helping, like he’s a part of something.

...

“I think my uncle thinks we’re dating,” Zuko rasps out and they both collapse into giggles.

“Why” Sokka finally manages to get out, “why” he says between hiccups and heavy breathing after his laughter, “do you think he thinks that.”

“He keeps winking every time he mentions your name.”

“Oh my god” Sokka falls down in laughter, lying next to Zuko in his cot. He covers his face with his hands, “that is so embarrassing”

“Last night he said 'Sometimes love is like a plant in a city, it finds a way to bloom beautifully even if it has to press through cracks in concrete.' I don’t even know what that means.”

They’re in hysterics now. Sokka laughs into Zuko’s shoulder. And even though Zuko is usually touchy about friends showing physical affection, he finds that he doesn’t mind that Sokka is basically splayed all over him. A nice side-effect of Sokka tending to his wounds, Zuko guesses. He just strokes the boy’s hair as Sokka continues to shake from laughter, one arm hugging Zuko and his face buried into his collarbone. 

Sokka looks up at Zuko. This is nice, he thinks. A slat of late-afternoon golden light hits Zuko’s cheek and he’s smiling, his cheeks still red from laughing. His dark hair has grown longer and curls around his ears. Sokka thinks he might be the most beautiful person he’s ever seen. Without thinking, he cups Zuko’s face in his hand. Zuko blinks slowly down at him, still smiling fondly.

“I’m glad you’re getting better,” Sokka whispers. He thinks of how painful it was to see Zuko when he was first injured, when every movement was a struggle. Now, his chest is bandaged but he can move, he can laugh, he looks almost-healthy.

“I’m glad you’re here” Zuko whispers back. Sokka wishes he could save this moment forever, how soft Zuko looks, how much he cares.

“Ahem” a voice breaks the moment. Iroh is in the doorway.

“I was just coming to check on my nephew but... if you two are busy I will leave,” Iroh says with a twinkle in his eyes.

Sokka pulls away, “Oh no I was just on my way out,” he smiles down at Zuko who shoots daggers at Sokka with his eyes. Sokka kisses Zuko’s forehead before he leaves, for dramatic effect. He must be imagining Zuko’s blush as he pulls away, or else it’s anger that has made him turn red. Sokka sticks his tongue out at the boy who hides his face in his hands.

Sokka hears Zuko groan as he passes Iroh in the doorway.

“It seems like someone has developed a bit of a crush,” he thinks he hears as he walks down the hall.

Have fun with that!, Sokka thinks maliciously, grinning as he imagines Iroh’s metaphor-heavy advice and Zuko’s embarrassment.

...

As Sokka gets ready for bed a messenger hawk scratches at his window pane. 

“Wait a second,” Sokka impatiently grumbles at it, still getting his pajama pants on.

“Ugh, you scratched up my window,” Sokka grumbles but opens the window to get the message anyways. The hawk nips his finger as he deposits the roll of parchment into Sokka’s hand. What a rude messenger hawk, Sokka thinks. Coming to his personal residence instead of dropping the message off in his mailbox, scratching his window, and biting him.

He opens the message and sees that the only thing written on it, in Zuko’s messy handwriting, is “I hate you.”

Sokka chuckles. He can’t imagine the chat Zuko had with Iroh was any fun. He recalls the look on Iroh’s face, like he knew a secret, and how close Sokka had been to the other boy when Iroh walked in. He and Zuko had gotten so comfortable with each other, most boundaries had blurred and faded. From working in the hospital, changing Zuko’s wounds and sitting with him while he waited for his medicine to kick in, they had become more and more comfortable with one another. It still surprised Sokka that he felt so at-ease around someone who used to chase and attack him and his friends, a past that seemed far away given the current circumstances.

Sokka had been putting on a show with the forehead kiss to irritate Zuko and flame Iroh’s suspicions. But, really, how had Iroh thought there was something between them? Zuko and Sokka were obviously just affectionate close friends. Sure, he had been pretty close to Zuko’s face, but he had just been glad his friend was healthy. And anyone in their right mind would find Zuko attractive, but the fact that Sokka recognizes that his eyes are breathtaking (seriously, even other firebenders can’t compare to Zuko’s golden eyes and surprisingly long eyelashes), he is objectively hot (I mean, after watching him train for so long, he knows what Zuko looks like shirtless, and no one would protest to seeing that), and his silky hair getting longer doesn’t hurt his appearance at all, just means Sokka is secure in their friendship, right? A lot of friends find each other attractive– That doesn’t mean there’s anything between them!

Sokka didn’t have anything pressing to attend to elsewhere so of course he would stay at the hospital to make sure Zuko recovered well, even after Katara and Aang and Toph left. Anyone would do that for their friend, right?

...

Sokka thinks it should be illegal to have to start work at 6AM, especially if that work involves caring for your friend who will most likely make fun of your sleep deprivation and criticise your work. But healing shifts aren't kind and Sokka swears the manager has something against him because he's always working at the break of dawn. Usually Zuko isn't the first patient he has to see, but today Zuko apparently needs a few different salves applied and his name is the first on the list of patients Sokka has to see. Sokka even forgot to tie his hair up today so he's sure he looks like a right mess. He's excited to tease Zuko about his conversation with Iroh, but at what cost!?

When he storms into Zuko's room, he's surprised that he doesn't see the boy in his cot. Usually, that's where he treats him. It takes him a moment to spot the figure on the balcony. Zuko sits in full view, his legs crossed and eyes closed. Sokka realizes he's meditating. He doesn't want to interrupt, so he sits on Zuko's cot and waits.

Usually Sokka sees the boy in his cot, with bandages in need of changing, already having had some of his medicine. But Zuko has taken off his bandages to meditate. Sokka hadn't gotten a chance to really look at how Zuko's wound had healed before, he'd been so focused on doing his job as quickly and efficiently as possible. But now he stares. The wound has gotten smaller, the skin is no longer puffy and inflamed. It looks at home on Zuko's skin.

Sokka finds his eyes wandering to the curve of Zuko's shoulders, where it connects to his collarbone, the dip of his throat, the line of his neck, and to his stomach, where Zuko had once described the feeling of drawing flames from. He realizes he has never observed Zuko so freely before. He has never had time; they were always talking and sparring, in movement. He watches how Zuko moves slightly as he breathes deeply, as some smoke exits his nostrils and then as he breathes out through his mouth and flames lick out.

Sokka doesn't know what feeling overtakes him as he sees those flames, something like a stampede of horses rushing through him or a bubbling threatening to explode through his chest, but he feels compelled to break the silence. He doesn't think he can stand to watch Zuko breathe fire any more.

He feigns nonchalance, even though he secretly feels as though he may be experiencing heart problems, "So, how'd your conversation with Iroh go?"

Zuko startles a little, blinking out of his meditation, the flames quickly retreating. His eyes are unfocused and hostile before he focuses on Sokka and then they become focused and hostile.

He glares across at his friend, "you," narrowing his eyes, "I cannot believe you!" He stands up, his joints cracking, and Sokka can't help but admire how Zuko's muscles flex as he stands and stretches. "I cannot believe you left me in there to have that conversation!"

"It was one of the great joys of my life." Sokka grins up at him.

Zuko frowns down at him, "He talked to me for about 30 minutes about the necessity of protection and gave me a book about the history of homosexuality in the Fire Nation. Why was he even carrying that around!?"

Sokka laughs, "That's so much worse than I expected!"

Zuko sits on his cot and sighs dramatically, "And now I will never be able to erase from my mind the fact that my great grandfather had an affair with Aang's past life."

"Oh my god."

"The book is actually really interesting, but that's a fact I could have lived without."

"Do you think Aang knows?"

Zuko rolls his eyes, "I'm guessing that's not first on his list of topics to talk about with his past lives, bringers of balance to the world. Plus, how would he have even figured that out? Hey there, past life! What was the exact nature of your relationship with the fire lord at the time?"

"Hey, I don't know how past lives work!"

Zuko lays back on his cot. "Did you bring the salves? It's starting to hurt a little."

"Yeah, sorry, I'll just– I've never applied them this early in the morning, so I need to read the directions."

"I can tell you how, it'll be quicker."

Zuko tells him which order to apply them in, and how to apply them. He grabs Sokka's wrist and moves his hand so he rubs the salve in in circular motions. Sokka shivers a little at the contact and finds himself distracted, looking at Zuko's face, his eyelashes, his golden eyes, his hair in a perfect bun even this early in the morning.

"Thanks, I like your hair like that as well." Zuko reaches up and tussles Sokka's loose hair.

Shit, Sokka hadn't realized he had said that last part out loud. He grumbles a lot while he works and sometimes forgets that he's doing it. He's blushing and about to explain when there's a knock at the door. He's about finished anyways so he wipes off his hands, puts his supplies into his bag, and goes to answer it. 

Mai is standing at the door, with her usual blank expression on her face. 

"Can I talk to Zuko?," she drawls.

Sokka can't explain why his stomach churns and he lets his shoulder bump harshly into Mai's as he leaves the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what do you guys think? is Sokka just having friendship-bro feelings for Zuko and when will he start being self-aware? we'll see in the next chapter. anyways i really hope you guys liked this one and that the dynamic felt somewhat realistic!


	5. leave with somebody else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhh this one has been in the works for a bit longer than usual! i just got a new job so have been adjusting a bit! don't be too mad at me for the ending...

To celebrate Zuko’s discharge from the hospital, Sokka, of course, plans to get him slamming drunk with all his friends, or, as Zuko calls them, his “barely acquaintances.” Sokka always retorts back with the “yeah yeah, the barely acquaintances who you spend hours writing letters to and who fight over visiting times, just those ones.” Zuko grumbles and blushes every time, gathering the letters strewn around his room and placing them carefully back in the box he stores them in. 

Surprisingly, because he has a pretty short attention span, Aang writes the longest letters, filled with odd details about his days and little drawings of strange people and creatures he meets. Occasionally Katara’s cursive will appear in the margins, explaining a particularly incomprehensible bit. Her letters are short, comforting, and always end in the same question about the progress of his health. Mai hardly sends letters and they almost always say “this is so boring” or “X person is insufferable.” But she comes to visit more often than most. Haru visits a few times as well. In the beginning, he always lingers in the door awkwardly and has a hard time making eye contact, but then Sokka makes a joke about the meeting they had come from and he laughs, relaxing. Ty Lee has taken to drawing Zuko pictures with lots of hearts on them, usually with a positive quote written in calligraphy. The few sentences she scrawls on the backs of the drawings are always more thoughtful than he expects. Zuko guesses Ty Lee was a better friend than he thought when he was a teenager. Her bubbly personality and tendency to obfuscate her emotions with positive aphorisms are easier to comprehend than her deep feeling and sometimes calculating tendencies. 

Her latest letter was a drawing of two colorful rainbows, a sky exploding with hearts, and a mountain on which was scrolled “love conquers all.” On the back she had written “training with the Kyoshi Warriors is going great! I’ve never had so many best friends. I visited Azula again this weekend. It’s hard for her to harbor all that anger and bitterness. I hope she will let go of it soon. She let me do her makeup and she looked super pretty. I hope once you get better you will visit her with me. Always keep hope and love in your heart! Say hi to Sokka for me.”

So Zuko has friends. And Sokka is going to force him to acknowledge how much he cares about them. Zuko had turned 18 while he was still confined to the cot, so Sokka hopes his discharge celebration can double as a birthday party. Since Zuko can now legally drink in the Fire Nation, Sokka planned to pre-game at Mai’s, where they’d eat a little and get tipsy before heading to a bar that boasted its wide array of cocktails offered from around the different nations. The bar is a surprise. Sokka thinks Zuko will enjoy it; seeing people from different nations congregating freely in his homeland.

…

Sokka walks to Zuko’s room a half hour before they’re supposed to go to Mai’s. He wants to make sure Zuko is up for walking. If Zuko is feeling particularly weak Sokka can get a mongoose lizard to take them. He shivers at the thought. Though they are astoundingly quick, their scales creep Sokka out. He will take one if necessary, though.

Sokka knocks.

“Come in.” Zuko’s voice sounds tinny and far away through the door.

Sokka enters and sees Zuko looking into the round mirror Iroh had bought him, adjusting his bun. His hair isn’t long enough to all fit into the bun so he pins a few strands back. He looks into the mirror like he’s reassuring himself about something.

He hasn’t truly been dressed for awhile and looks strikingly formal in comparison to the loose pants and bandaging he wore throughout his treatment. Today he wears wide leg black silk pants and a dark red top with subtle dragons embroidered where his collarbones sit under the fabric. He buttons the clasps of the shirt around his wrists and the top button of his shirt, which rests just under his adam’s apple.

Sokka sees his crutches in the corner of the room and how Zuko is leaning slightly on his desk. He grabs them and slowly gives them to Zuko, putting them under his armpits. Zuko doesn’t notice him at first but then leans slowly onto the crutches.

“Thank you.”

“Of course.” Sokka steps back.

“Actually,” Zuko pauses, “could you grab my coat as well – I left it in the closet.”

Sokka finds the coat and helps it over Zuko’s shoulders, the soft but thick material settles, and he fastens the golden clasp in the front. Zuko could probably do this all himself, but Sokka wants to. He wants to help while he can.

Sokka lets his hands linger on the clasp for a moment, eyes unfocused, before speaking.

“Are you – do you have enough energy to walk?”

“I think so”

“Okay”

So they walk slowly as the sun sets, Sokka adjusting his pace to stay at Zuko’s side, who comments on the changes to restaurants and houses since he was a kid, and they are laughing lightly at how different they’ve become, how this is a future they never could have guessed at or dreamed of.

…

Mai welcomes them warmly, opening the door wide and beckoning them in. Zuko pecks her cheek and Sokka gives an awkward wave, showing the box of chocolates he brought.

In her typical deadpan but accompanied by a slight smile gracing her lips, she says, “everyone else is in the living room,” she gestures down the hall, “you can leave your shoes on the floor here and join us, I need to grab some more sake but I’ll be down.”

She glides up her parents sleek modernist staircase, leaving them to toe off their shoes and join their friends. Sokka notices Zuko hesitating and lets him lean on his shoulder, so he can take off his shoes more easily.

Sokka first makes eye contact with Suki, who envelops him in a bear hug. Ty Lee turns smiling and invites them to the circle on the ground they’re sitting in, around the snacks and alcohol. Aang and Katara swarm over Zuko, having not seen him in person since the early days of his recovery. Haru is talking with Teo, both of them snacking on sizzle crisps and mochi. Toph sits next to Ty Lee and waits until Katara and Aang are done fussing over him to envelop Zuko in a bone crushing hug. Zuko rolls his eyes but pats her shoulder and smiles. 

They sit down and dig into the snacks. Sokka avoids the spicier ones; he’s learned the hard way that he can’t always handle them. Instead, he grabs a few tea sandwiches and rice candies. 

Mai returns with replenished alcohol and hands them both glasses. Everyone else is already halfway through their drinks and a buzz is building. Everyone’s voices meld prettily and the overwhelming feeling Sokka feels is surrounded by love.

He looks over at Zuko whose face looks relaxed and happy. He’s happy that he’s happy.

Sokka relaxes even more and listens in to Teo and Haru’s conversation about accessibility in the different nations. Then Toph stumbles over to him.

“Don’t think I forgot about you.”

He smiles widely and pats the seat next to him for her to sit down. She regales him with tales of her adventures around the globe and the creative ways she’s avoided boat-travel. Sokka delights her by regaling her with in-depth descriptions of the most disgusting blisters he’s seen while working in the hospital.

“You know, they’re surprisingly common in the fire nation, once I even treated one on a guy’s–”

“Time to do shots!” Suki interrupts, declaring loudly across the room. 

A cheerful shout erupts around the room as Suki passes glasses to everyone, except Aang, who doesn’t drink.

“On a count of three: 3, 2, 1!”

They all down the shots and grimace at its strength.

“God, Suki, what is this?”

“Just something one of the men from my village brews from time to time,” she says, with a smirk on her face.

“It burns!” Katara blurts out, her cheeks already blushed from alcohol.

Everyone murmurs in assent, finishing the rest of their sake, which seems tame in comparison. 

They’re all pleasantly tipsy, draping limbs carelessly over one another and finishing off the rest of the snacks when Sokka clears his throat and slowly dislodges from where he was resting his head in the crook of Zuko’s neck.

“Okay friends,” he gestures expansively to all of them, “I think it’s time that we move onto the second part of our Celebration Of Zuko. Get your shoes on, hooligans, we’re walking!”

“The second part,” Zuko frowns up at him, pouting, “I didn’t know there was a second part.”

Sokka smiles fondly down at his best friend, “that’s the whole point, it’s a surprise.”

He offers his hands to Zuko, who accepts, and hauls him up. Zuko wavers a little on his crutches but steadies, looking into Sokka’s eyes.

“Usually I don’t like surprises, but I’ll make an exception,” he reaches out to boop Sokka’s nose, “for you.”

…

Once in the bar, some of them crowd into the booth while others go to order drinks at the bar, sitting on the bar stools. Sokka ends up curled next to Suki in the booth while Zuko and Mai sit closely at the bar, discussing something Sokka wishes he could hear, based on the thoughtful expression on Zuko's face and how he leans forward when he speaks, like he’s sharing secrets.

Because Haru, sitting on Sokka’s other side, seems preoccupied in conversation with Toph, Sokka talks almost exclusively to Suki: about training, about the adjustment to living in a city they once feared, her new recruits, and the fulfillment Sokka feels as a healer. He keeps glancing at Mai and Zuko, who have remained close and still speak in that confidential way. He feels like there is a snake coiling in his gut and he tries to resist the emotion. He likes Mai. They’re friends. There is no reason to be angry at her.

Toph buys another round and pushes a drink in front of Sokka, which he sips readily. He notices how pretty Suki’s winged liner looks and her unsmudged red lipstick. They are giggling and Sokka wonders what it would be like to kiss her again, if they might work seamlessly.

He leans in and they kiss. He doesn’t feel sparks but it feels comfortable, easy. She pulls away.

“Sokka,” she says softly, rubbing small circles into his wrist, “you’re a really good kisser, and you know I love you, but I think we both like other people.”

Everything makes sense until that last sentence. He’s not upset, just confused.

“What?

She gives him the same knowing, soft smile as before, squeezing his wrist.

“I’ve been talking to someone, a guy who works in the weaponry shop in town. And you’ve been staring at someone else the whole night.”

Sokka’s eyes widen.

“Zuko? I’m just…” he glances over at the boy, still at Mai’s side, “I’m just making sure he’s enjoying his party, cause, you know, I planned it for him…” His explanation sounds empty even to him. 

“Maybe,” Suki says, lingering on the word doubtfully, “but I think you should examine your feelings.”

Sokka sighs, looking back at Zuko, who happens to be laughing, his golden eyes glimmering in the low light.

“Maybe.” Sokka looks at Zuko again, really drinking in his flushed cheeks, the strands of hair starting to fall from his bun, and his long legs stretched out under his barstool. He's gorgeous.

Suki squeezes his hand.

“You look at him how you used to look at me.”

“I’m gonna miss you.”

“Me too.”

They share a deep look, just searching each other’s eyes for what feels like a blip in time, both of their expressions completely open, not quite sad but edging on it.  
They hold hands and Sokka leans on Suki’s shoulder. It feels like a final goodbye. Then they return to the conversation at their table. 

Ty Lee is showing Toph how she can do a one handed handstand and Katara is trying to block her from view of the bartender. Aang is giggling at the whole thing, somehow fitting into the drunken mood perfectly though he’s completely sober.

Zuko and Mai walk back from the bar and squeeze into the booth with everyone else. Sokka’s throat catches and his stomach drops frighteningly at how close they are, at how comfortable Zuko seems to feel around Mai. They continue talking and then Zuko pulls away, still looking at Mai, as if in the middle of telling a story.

“And then,” he says, with a heavy layer of sass, “to top it off, he did this.”

Zuko crawls over Toph, Ty Lee, and Suki, who let out faint protests. He looks messy and happy when he puts his arm around Sokka’s waist and sloppily kisses Sokka’s forehead.

“See?!” Zuko turns to Mai, who nods, barely stifling an amused grin.

Sokka, surprised, touches the place Zuko just kissed with his fingers. Wow. He’s overwhelmed by the thought of Zuko kissing his skin, about his arm still snug around his waist.

Zuko is still shouting to Mai about all of Iroh’s gifts and advice since his “discovery” of their relationship and Sokka just sits there, dumbfounded. He looks up and watches Zuko speaking passionately.

He has a crush on Zuko, he realizes very suddenly.

At this moment when all the alarm bells are blaring in Sokka’s mind, Zuko’s rant about Iroh fades and he turns to look at Sokka. He keeps his arm around Sokka’s waist and leans in closer, resting his chin on Sokka’s shoulder.

“Thank you for the party.”

Sokka just stares.

“And I had to… you know, for payback,” Zuko slurs, touching his fingertips to Sokka’s forehead.

Sokka thinks he might combust. Under normal circumstances, this intimacy would be normal, comforting even, but now that he realizes he has a capital-c Crush on Zuko, he just kind of feels like he might explode with Zuko this close.

Thankfully, Zuko gets distracted and starts discussing pro-bending with Haru, but his arm remains firmly around Sokka’s waist. 

Sokka discusses pressure points with Ty Lee, loses four times in thumb wars with Toph, drinks a glass of water that Katara gets him, and listens to Aang’s stories about the wild sky bison he’s seen while flying Appa, but the whole time he’s thinking about where Zuko's skin is touching his.

…

As they gather their things to head back to their respective homes, Sokka helps Zuko onto his crutches, but it’s Mai who walks him back. Sokka can’t help but be jealous of how close they’re walking, of how Mai anticipates Zuko’s every stumble and points out the variance of the road.

Katara, Aang, Toph, Ty Lee, Haru, and Teo split off before, as they live in different areas of the city. 

The healing tent is on the way to the palace, where Sokka and Suki stay. 

So Sokka has a clear view as Mai leads Zuko to his room. Of Zuko laughing at something she says, of them talking as they go to his room. Sokka swallows roughly, tears pricking his eyes.

Suki sighs, “Sokka, I don’t think that’s what you think it is.”

Sokka nods but his head hangs on his whole walk home and his dreams are murky and sad. “Unrequited,” he mumbles a few times in his sleep.

…

Sokka groans, awoken by a persistent messenger hawk at his window. 

He stumbles, unfurling the text, which is a note from Katara inviting him to a “guaranteed hangover-curing breakfast.” Sokka smiles. Katara has always had great taste in comfort food. He just wishes she would get up less freakishly early.

Nevertheless, he shows up at her room in an hour and a half, dressed, with bags under his eyes, and a grumbling stomach.

She ushers him in and there is a beautiful array of Southern Water Tribe breakfast foods. He piles his plate with giant sea crab cakes, seaweed cookies, over-easy penguin-seal eggs, and cumberquat salad.

They catch up and he is awed by everything Katara has managed to do after the war, how many people she has helped. Sokka is working to heal individual people and Katara is working on healing the rifts between societies, often ones that have lasted for over a century. He’s so proud of her.

And, most of all, she looks happy.

As Sokka is scraping his plate for the last bits of penguin-seal egg yolk on his plate, Katara clears her throat. Sokka notices Aang has also appeared, lingering in the doorway. At Katara’s “ahem” he sits down next to her.

“We actually have something to ask you,” Katara says.

“Go ahead,” Sokka says.

“Well, we know you’re really settled and happy here, which is amazing," she says sincerely, pausing, "but the Spirit Festival is coming up in the South Pole and we need help planning it. Aang and I are busy fixing the school curriculum and negotiating treaties but we really want the first festival after the war to be something. And I know you remember it from when we were little, or at least from Gran-Gran’s stories. It would just be for a month, to set up the logistics and helping out the council-members.”

Sokka closes his eyes for a second.

“Let me think about it.”

“Okay. Just let us know soon. We would love your help.”

Aang clears the table and Katara hugs him goodbye.

How could he say no to this opportunity? He feels settled in his life in the Fire Nation, but the chance to help out his village, to give his people hope, would be amazing. And maybe a break from Zuko will help him sort out his feelings. Especially since he’s obviously back together with Mai, after last night. Sokka's nose scrunches at the memory and his cheeks flood with color as he remembered how he'd acted when Zuko had kissed his forehead.

Sokka groans loudly when he gets back in his room.

He spends a solid thirty minutes with his head buried in the cool of his comforter, trying to block the world out, before he writes a short note to Katara, confirming that he’ll travel to the South Pole to help with the Spirit Festival. He feels strangely empty, even after confirming.

Soon after he sends the hawk on its way, there is another knock on his door. This time it’s Suki, handing him an electrolyte drink he’s grateful for.

“So…” she says, sitting on his floor, “are you going to talk to Zuko soon?”

“I’m actually going to the Southern Water Tribe next week.”

She raises her eyebrows at him. He explains and adds on the end, sullenly, “and besides, it’s obvious that he likes Mai.”

Suki puts her head in her hands and doesn't say anything for a moment. Sokka swears he hears her whispering, for a second "stupid, stupid" but then she looks up, directly.

“I think you’re wrong. And I think you’re making a mistake by not talking to him.”

Sokka groans into his pillow and turns away.

“Whatever, I’ll let you wallow in your self imposed misery,” she says in a sing-song-y voice as she exits his room. 

Sokka rolls over again, to face the ceiling. He wishes she were right, that things were so simple and he could talk to Zuko, that Zuko returned his feelings, that he had a concrete reason to stay. Instead, he wallows and spends the rest of the day in bed, wishing things were different, imagining seeing Zuko in the garden and confessing or Zuko knocking on his door or throwing rocks up at his window. He imagines until it's dark outside and he surrenders to sleep, where a certain beautiful face haunts him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the PINING oh the oblivious stupid PINING ! let me know if there is any character / theme / plotline you want to see more of in the rest of this fic! i have it all plotted out but i can definitely add details if there is anything you want!! thank you so much for the support + reads <3


	6. whatever happened to my best friend?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the chapter title is a reference to the song best friend by hajk!

Sokka avoids Zuko for the next week. He knows his schedule so it isn’t hard. He just eats meals later than usual, avoids the corridors in between Zuko’s meetings, conveniently forgets the time they usually spar together, and pretends he doesn’t see the few messages Zuko’s messenger hawk sends him.

Sokka realizes that his days feel empty without Zuko. His breakfasts just aren’t the same without dawn creeping through the rice paper shades and Zuko ribbing him for how tired he looks. He remembers the time Zuko told him his wolftail was lopsided and then suddenly was standing behind him, carding his hands through Sokka’s hair, and tying it up himself. Sokka remembers holding his breath then. 

Sokka thinks about inviting Haru over to distract him with their usual banter but realizes that now he usually hangs out with Haru and Zuko as a group. Suki checks up on him and tells him he’s being stupid but every time Sokka looks at the unopened letters on his windowsill with his name written in Zuko’s neat handwriting, it’s like a pit at the bottom of his stomach opens up. He tries to imagine telling Zuko that he’ll be away for a month and he feels terrible. He dreads it. It’s illogical to pretend like he can avoid the interaction entirely but that’s what Sokka’s doing.

He spends a lot of time in his room, glancing at the unopened notes, and imagining telling Zuko. He can’t think of a good way to say he’ll be leaving for a month. And the only reaction he can imagine from Zuko is something sappy about how he’s been too distracted with Mai anyways, he won’t even notice Sokka is gone. In this imagining, Mai is attached to Zuko’s side, gazing lovingly up at him. Zuko walks away without looking back at Sokka.

Sokka tries to get that image out of his mind. He plops back on his bed, sighing. He feels paralyzed. As soon as he thinks of a plan of what to say to Zuko he imagines Zuko excitedly telling him he’s gotten back together with Mai. He knows he couldn’t deal with that information. He knows his disappointment would show on his face and he wouldn’t able to pretend to be happy for Zuko. Zuko would know about his crush, he would see Sokka's jealousy and sadness written plainly on his face. Sokka just feels even sadder thinking about the situation at all.

So he tries to avoid Zuko so he can avoid the reality he’s sure is to come crashing down on him soon.

...

Katara joins Sokka for lunch occasionally, discussing the logistics of their trip to the South Pole. Aang will lead the way on Appa and Katara and Sokka will trail behind with a few warriors on a ship. She sends a letter to Hakoda confirming that Sokka will be there and Hakoda sends an excited letter to Sokka saying that he’s setting up a separate tent. Infrastructure has improved so Sokka’s tent will include a fire pit, bamboo floors, and a separate sleeping quarters. Sokka is excited to see how much his home has changed and to be able to shape some of that change. Bato includes a note at the end of Hakoda's letter describing how he built the more complicated frame of the tent using old designs. Sokka smiles, remembering ice dodging with him.

He remembers when he was young and Gran Gran told him the winter solstice was approaching, a “most hallowed time.” They would make traditional stews and meditate for hours leading up to the solstice. Katara would leave early to practice waterbending but Sokka would stay with his grandmother, trying to connect with the spirits. Occasionally Gran Gran would interrupt the silence with a story of the beautifully-colored spirit lights in years past or dreams that led her to make important decisions in which she felt spirits visited her. He loved the idea that there was something sacred in the place he was born, in his people, that didn’t have to do with magic water. He loved the idea that magic was something that could visit you if your intentions were pure. That the spirits might be watching over him in troubled times. That magic could be as simple as a warning in a dream, as a wind steering you the right way, a presence at his shoulder.

One of the best moments from Sokka’s childhood was when, coming out of a meditation, Gran Gran stroked Sokka’s forehead and said, contemplatively, “you have a gift with the spirits, I’m not sure what it is yet, but you are will grow very close with them.”

This moment had turned bittersweet, gaining a sad quality, when Yue passed into the spirit realm. But sometimes when Sokka slipped into meditation he swore he saw flashes of the future, of a guiding hand leading him in the right direction. These spirits didn’t feel like Yue, whose heavy, loving gaze he could feel under the full moon, but something different, weighty and old, an ancestral inheritance.

Sokka is too anxious about his upcoming trip and avoiding Zuko to meditate recently, but he can’t wait to get back into the habit and help children partake in a tradition their ancestors have been using for years to commune with the powerful force that is the spirits.

...

Somehow, Sokka makes it to the morning of his journey without speaking to Zuko. His bag is packed, a fire nation red rucksack full to the brim with travel supplies aka his boomerang, his on-the-go bedding, and lots of snacks for the journey. On second thought, he stuffs the unread letters from Zuko on top of everything.

Katara knocks on his door to tell him she’s grabbing her things and they’ll meet at the harbor. Sokka adjusts the straps on his new rucksack and finds he’s sad to leave his room in the Fire Nation. The room that’s been his home base while he works at the hospital, tries to help rebuild international relations, and builds healthy friendships for the first time in peacetime. He hadn’t expected to be emotional while saying goodbye to the room, but he finds himself awkwardly waving goodbye to it before he heads down the hall, needing to acknowledge its important role in his life.

As he exits the palace, heading through the entrance towards the harbor, he hears rapid footsteps behind him.

“Wait–”

Sokka turns around to see Zuko jogging towards him, his hair in the formal topknot, his robes flowing out behind him. As Zuko gets closer Sokka can see he’s struggling, as his injury is still healing. 

Instinctively, Sokka reaches out his arm to steady Zuko.

“Thank you,” Zuko catches his breath, leaning some of his weight on Sokka. The contact gives Sokka chills. Zuko looks beautiful and so close, ethereal in his dark red robes, stark against his pale skin.

Sokka hums and nods, noting the guards trailing Zuko, hovering a way back, seeming unsure as to whether they should intervene. Sokka nods as if to say ‘I’ve got it.’

“I– Katara told me you’re leaving.” 

Zuko stares up at Sokka, his honey-colored eyes imploring, waiting for a response. He looks hurt.

In all the versions of this conversation Sokka had gone over in his head, he had never imagined Zuko looking so vulnerable.

“Just for a month, to help with the Spirit Festival in the South Pole.”

“Oh.” Zuko sighs, looking away, “you’ll be good at that.”

“I– it’s something I want to do. I couldn’t pass up the opportunity.”

“I’m happy for you.” Zuko looks away, a little stiffly, in the way he does sometimes when he’s afraid of what the other person he’s speaking to may think, “why have you been avoiding me? You could have just told me.”

“I– I’m not really sure.” Sokka avoids Zuko’s gaze as well, not wanting to be caught in his lie.

There is an awkward silence, full of tension of words unsaid. And then Zuko rushes to fill it.

“Was it something I did at the party? I don’t remember everything and I know Mai had to take me home.”

“Right, Mai,” Sokka mutters bitterly, unable to hold back his resentment.

Zuko jerks back, a hurt look on his face.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I just guess you’ll be spending all your time with her now that you’re back together.”

At this Zuko looks more and more confused.

“No,” he looks into Sokka’s eyes, his brows creased, “Mai and I haven’t been together since we were sixteen. Why would you think that?”

Now Sokka feels confused.

“I guess I just assumed… because she brought you home after the party.”

At this Zuko lets out an amused huff of breath, smiling.

“She did that to stop me from doing anything stupid. I was really drunk.”

Anything stupid? The phrase echoes around Sokka’s brain. He doesn’t quite understand it, but feels it holds something important. Mai had to stop Zuko from doing something stupid. Something stupid?

“I’m sorry I didn’t talk to you.”

“It’s okay. You’re not mad at me or anything?”

“No.”

“We’ll write letters?”

“Yeah, I’ll write to you. I want to hear what the Fire Nation gets up to while I’m gone”

Zuko laughs lightly.

Katara is waving for Sokka to head over to the ship so Sokka leaves the prince at his palace with his guards, decked out in his royal colors. 

He wishes he could run back to Zuko and explain that he only ignored him out of jealousy. That he made assumptions based on what he saw that night. That he let his jealousy blind him and make him brittle and closed off. That he’s sorry and he wishes he could stay. He wishes he’s said that more emphatically, impressed into Zuko’s mind that he’d stay if this wasn’t so important to him.

He regrets not talking to his best friend just because his crush warped his judgement. They’re still best friends. He still knows how to hold Zuko up, can tell he’s holding something back even though he won’t press him on it. As he boards the ship, he’s excited to see his home but also longs to be back at Zuko’s side, holding him up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a short one but i'm just trying to get back into the groove of posting as i psyched myself out for a bit!! sorry to leave it on this bittersweet not but some fun letters back & forth to come :)) hope this doesn't disappoint


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